Dealing with Rejection....again.

Why does raising children have to be so damn hard? Victoria had another tough audition last night and was pretty upset when she came home. It broke my heart because when she left the house in the morning, she was excited and confident, not nervous like she had been the last five unsuccessful auditions.

When my kids are upset or sad, I am too. I feel helpless and frustrated because, sometimes, I just don't know what to say. I did all the text book things. I validated her feelings, telling her it was okay to feel sad; I allowed her to express her emotions, by encouraging her to talk about it; I kept open the lines of communication, engaging her in a conversation to illicit some of the emotions she was going through, so why then, was it only getting worse?

I knew the cause of her sadness went much deeper than this one audition. It was scars from so many other failed attempts, the knowledge that this was her last shot at making this singing and dancing group as a Senior next year, the image of all of the fun opportunities that she will miss and what would have been a wonderful experience for her to take with her to college next year. How do you fix all that?

There won't be any brainstorming to help her come up with a strategy for next year, to empower her and take away some of her helplessness away, because there won't be a next year.

So, I try to be supportive, although I am not very good at it right now, because I am mad. I am mad that she may not be picked AGAIN, I am mad that she is good enough to be one of the lead acts in her high school play where she sang and danced solos, but not good enough to be in "his" group, I am mad that he is not compassionate with the teenagers who he knows have talent, but freak out during auditions, I am mad that he year after year encourages her to try out, only to not pick her. And, I am mad because, she is my baby and she is hurt and when she hurts, I hurt.

In the last few years, I have learned, painstaking, that most of my teenager's problems can't easily be changed or solved, so I continue to let them know that I am here for them, and that I love and support them, while recognizing that sometimes, children just have to feel sad and cope with their own emotions before they can move on.....as long as it doesn't take too long.